allankintz.com / myspace surveys

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The following are completely original Myspace surveys that I have recently created - they have become affectionately known as the "ACK Surveys" and are usually labeled as such. You're free to use them and pass them around. I just got so sick of seeing the same questions in every myspace survey that I just need to do something different.

I wanted to make funny myspace surveys that served no purpose other than laughing and being stupid. I leave nothing out though, be forewarned. I make fun of just about everything and everyone. That's the only way. So if you find any of them offensive... well, I don't give a shit. But if you have a sense of humor and like them, feel free to send me a message - my Myspace link is to the left.

I've also recently added a "complete the sentence" type of survey I made. I haven't decided if I would do more of them or not yet, but it was amusing to create. You can jump down to that section by clicking here!

My surveys not to your liking? Use the box below to search Google for something you may like better...

THE ACK SURVEYS

Volume 1, first posted on 12/11/06:

1. <b>How many surveys have you completed since you joined Myspace (rough estimate)?</b>


2. <b>What percentage of those were completely retarded?</b>


3. <b>Do you actually repost the "repost this in x minutes or you'll have bad luck in love/life/porn" sort of surveys?</b>


4. <b>Do they really change anything?</b>


5. <b>(i didn't think so)</b>


6. <b>What would Jesus do if he were offered a job in the Porn industry?</b>


7. <b>Do you think Jesus was ever grounded for being a little bitch?</b>


8. <b>How many people have you met in person from Myspace that you didn't know prior to joining?</b>


9. <b>How many of those people turned out to be <i>really</i> creepy or weird?</b>


10. <b>What percentage of users on Myspace do you think are real, actual people?</b> (ie. not porn, not spam, not duplicate accounts)


11. <b>What is the single most annoying thing about Myspace? ("everything" is not a valid answer)</b>


12. <b>If you don't pray to some sort of "God" ... who would you pray to? You know, if you HAD to pick someone.</b>


13. <b>If Joe Pesci were to go into a public restroom, do you think he'd go for a urinal or a stall (assuming that he only had to go #1 all all were empty)?</b>


15. <b>What if he had to drop a deuce, do you think he'd consider a urinal if the stalls were full? Or maybe the sink?</b>


16. <b>What is your all-time favorite cartoon? Past or present... doesn't matter.</b>


17. <b>Do you think the kids from Scooby Doo were actually stoners?</b>


18. <b>Name one TV show that you think should have never been made... and state why.</b>


19. <b>Have you ever watched a movie so bad that you got up and left in the middle of it or just plain turned it off? And what was it?</b>


20. <b>If you could make your own movie (about anything), what actor/actress would you HAVE to have in it? (pick only 1)</b>


21. <b>Would you fuck a sheep? You know, if you were another sheep?</b>


22. <b>Do you ever go ass-to-mouth?</b>


23. <b>Did you even get the references of those last two questions?</b>


24. <b>If Bill Gates were going to be in a carnival dunk tank game, what should he be dunked in?</b>


25. <b>Have you ever farted so hard that you shit your pants or blew a gasket?</b>


26. <b>Was it still funny?</b>

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Volume 2, first posted on 12/11/06:

1. <b>If William Shatner were your neighbor, would you let him borrow some of your porn collection?</b>


2. <b>Just how much porn do you have... really?</b>


3. <b>Do you think the guys in Metallica turned into a bunch of whining pussies when they started suing people back in the Napster days?</b>


4. <b>Me too.</b>


5. <b>Does this country has too many Starbucks stores?</b>


6. <b>Do that many people even drink coffee? Or are they just trying to be "hip"?</b>


7. <b>What's the strangest sexual fetish you've heard of?</b>


8. <b>What is YOUR strangest sexual fetish? Don't lie...</b>


9. <b>If Elmo and Oscar the grouch were to step in the ring, who would win? How do you know?</b>


10. <b>Do you think Snuffleupagus was always stoned or at least on some sedatives?</b>


11. <b>What do you think that trunk of his was <i>really</i> for?</b>


11. <b>Mistletoe: Creepy Christmas tradition? Or holiday aphrodisiac?</b>


12. <b>Have you ever tried to intentionally catch someone under the mistletoe? Did you get to "hit it" afterwards?</b>


13. <b>Name one job you would NEVER do, no matter how much it paid.</b>


14. <b>If you could be Robin Hood for a day (minus the tights, unless you're into that sort of thing), who would you steal from?</b>


15. <b>You'd keep it too, wouldn't you? You greedy fucker...</b>


16. <b>Can you name 3 friends (myspace or real life) that aren't retarded?</b>


17. <b>So if 1/4th of the population is retarded, that makes you the retard. Move on, retard.</b>


18. <b>Hey, retard, did you have to wear a helmet to school?</b>


19. <b>Won't you take me to ... Funky Town?</b>


21. <b>Do you think it's even that "funky" there? It's probably just lame, right?</b>


23. <b>We've got motherfuckin' snakes!</b>


24. <b>Would you go down on me in a theater?</b>


25. <b>Was that last question inappropriate?</b>


26. <b>Did you enjoy the survey, chickenfucker?</b>

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Volume 3, first posted on 12/12/06:

2. <b>What would happen if you put 3 Polish guys, 2 Mexicans, an Irish guy and a clown in room with a bottle of KY?</b>


3. <b>Are you curious about the clown?</b>


4. <b>If they made footie pajamas for adults, would you wear them?</b>


5. <b>Do you wear <i>any</i> pajamas?</b>


6. <b>Do you think the Burger King is really the King of anything (burgers don't count)?</b>


7. <b>If you were king (or queen, whatever) and could have your own jester, who would you pick and why?</b>


8. <b>If you could have a talking pet, what kind of animal would you choose?</b>


9. <b>Would you dress it up and treat it like a person?</b>


10. <b>Do you think there is such thing as an actual pony made out of bologna?</b>


11. <b>Would you ride it if there was?</b>


12. <b>Was Elmer Fudd really <i>that</i> bad of a shot?</b>


13. <b>Do you think it's possible that he was just on angeldust or something and hallucinating seeing a rabbit everywhere?</b>


14. <b>Where do babies really come from?</b>


15. <b>Did you know that I only used that question so I could put the word "vagina" in a survey as a legitimate answer?</b>


16. <b>If you hear a car alarm go off, what's your first thought?</b>


17. <b>See... no one gives a shit if someone is stealing a car anymore!</b>


18. <b>Have you ever sneezed on your hand and then licked it off?</b>


19. <b>On a scale from 1 to OMG... how disgusting is that?</b>


20. <b>If you could fill a swimming pool with anything, just to swim around in it, what would you use?</b>


21. <b>Did you know that it's not cheating if it's <i>your</i> dog?</b>


22. <b>Aren't you glad that people don't have to go around smelling asses like dogs do?</b>


23. <b>Have you ever farted so bad that you had to throw that pair of underwear away?</b>


24. <b>If you could fit in a dryer, would you like to set it to the "no heat" setting and take a spin?</b>


25. <b>What's the worst part about going to a laundramat?</b>


26. <b>Do you ever feel bad throwing food away because of all of the starving children in the rest of the world?</b>


27. <b>Me neither. If they're that hungry, they should get a job and buy some fucking food.</b>

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Volume 4, first posted on 12/14/06:

1. <b>What do you think Santa wants for Christmas?</b>


2. <b>Do you think Mrs. Claus sleeps around with the elves while Santa is out delivering presents? You know... gangbang style?</b>


3. <b>What a little whore.</b>


4. <b>What one song would you never want to hear while you're having sex?</b>


5. <b>Do you download any media illegally?</b>


6. <b>Arrrgh! Thar be mp3z ahoy!</b>


7. <b>Did the last question make any sense to you?</b>


8. <b>Is Samuel L Jackson really in everything?</b>


9. <b>Do you think he'd ever do porn?</b>


10. <b>If he did, would you join in? You know, to say you were in a "movie" with SLJ?</b>


11. <b>If there was a porno made about your life, what would the title be?</b>


12. <b>What section would it be in? (amateur? hardcore? lesbian (hawt!!)?, etc)


13. <b>What celebrity (other than Paris Hilton) are you sick of hearing/reading about?</b>


14. <b>Do you make fun of midgets?</b>


15. <b>Isn't it cool how they're just like miniature versions of regular size people?</b>


16. <b>Have you wondered if ... you know ... <i>everything</i> is miniature about them?</b>


17. <b>Name a washed up famous person (movies, music, etc) who doesn't realize it yet.</b>


18. <b>Do you think they just didn't get the memo?</b>


19. <b>How many pieces of flair do you wear on a daily basis?</b>


20. <b>Is there any vehicle (make/model) that you would never be caught driving or riding in?</b>


21. <b>Do you hate ricers? You know, the little Honda douchebags that put shopping cart spoilers and grapefruit shooter exhausts on cars?</b>


22. <b>Do you laugh whenever you watch the Fast and the Furious?</b>


23. <b>Do you think Engrish should be considered a separate language?</b>


24. <b>Do you find humor in people trying to make Ebonics a language?</b>


25. <b>Would it be fair if we let a couple of seals club baby humans? You know, just to even things up a little?</b>


26. <b>You do realize that was a joke, right?</b>

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Volume 5, first posted on 12/15/06:

1. <b>How is the mood striking you now?</b>


2. <b>Does everyone really love Raymond?</b>


3. <b>Does he just do a lot of sexual favors or something?</b>


4. <b>If they made adult-sized car beds, would you get one?</b>


5. <b>Would you use the backseat a lot?</b>


6. <b>If Scotty tried to beam you, would you resist?</b>


7. <b>What if Spock wanted to join in?</b>


8. <b>Would you buy a baby off of eBay?</b>


9. <b>What if the seller had 100% positive feedback?</b>


10. <b>Do you think shipping would be expensive?</b>


11. <b>Do you know how I know you're gay?</b>


12. <b>If you could cross-breed two animals, which ones would you use and why?</b>


13. <b>Do you think natural selection would kill it off?</b>


14. <b>Don't you wish natural selection would kill off stupid people?</b>


15. <b>Name three things you would give your enemy on a deserted island.</b>


16. <b>Have you ever tried to count the number of holes in a ceiling tile?</b>


17. <b>Do you usually forget to buy batteries for Christmas presents?</b>


18. <b>Are you good at wrapping Christmas presents?</b>


19. <b>Are you one of those people that wraps things funny? Like boxes within boxes and rocks and stuff?</b>


20. <b>Isn't it great to piss people off doing that?</b>


21. <b>Deathmatch: Liono, lord of the Thundercats vs Leonardo of the Ninja Turtles?


22. <b>Which is stranger, a Sensei rat or a giant cat in clothes but with no fur?</b>


23. <b>Do you think the Thundercats were just a bunch of overgrown pussies?</b>


24. <b>On a scale of 1 to lame, how bad was that joke?</b>


25. <b>Is it true that if you don't use it, you lose it?</b>

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Volume 6, first posted on 12/18/06:

1. <b>Do you find it mildly disturbing that Friendly's has a dessert called the "Happy Ending"?</b>


2. <b>Do you hope that there are no former massage therapists or Asian whores working in the kitchen?</b>


3. <b>Have you ever been disappointed after ordering said Happy Ending?</b>


4. <b>Would you attempt to molest a musician? You know, if you wanted to "do him" (or her...)?</b>


5. <b>Would you be upset if s/he didn't call the next day?</b>


6. <b>Musicians aren't objects, you know?</b>


7. <b>Once and for all, on a scale of 1 to 13, how gangsta is Hello Kitty?</b>


8. <b>Do you think she's just a quiet little kitty from the 'hood?</b>


9. <b>She could wreck some shit though, right?</b>


10. <b>Camels: strange exotic creatures or funny photogenic friends?</b>


11. <b>Do you think their toes are just as photogenic?</b>


12. <b>Have you ever lost any pets to a gay animal sanctuary?</b>


13. <b>Have you ever had any [pets] that were "questionable"?</b>


14. <b>If you could have your own robot, what's the first thing you'd teach it?</b>


15. <b>Would you pay extra for the "pleasure model"?</b>


16. <b>Have you ever had an emo-moment?</b>


17. <b>Do you think playing Death Cab for Cutie or some other equally worthless emo music at the bottom of a cliff advertising for free black hair dye would save us all a lot of trouble?</b>


18. <b>Can you think of 5 names parents should never use for children?</b>


19. <b>Do you think names like Richard "Dick" Johnson are really just for our amusement?</b>


20. <b>Don't you think at some point he'd be like, "you can just call me Rick"?</b>


21. <b>I know I would.</b>


22. <b>Does Barry White really work miracles?</b>


23. <b>Do you ever look up random words on UrbanDictionary.com?</b>


24. <b>Were you aware of the term "douche hydrant"?</b>


25. <b>See, you learn something new every day. Go look it up.</b>

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Volume 7, first posted on 12/30/06:

<b>1. Have you ever made an honest New Year's resolution and actually kept it?</b>


<b>2. Do you ever even remember your resolutions past the end of January?</b>


<b>3. I don't even make any resolutions. Why bother?</b>


<b>4. What do you think was the first thing Santa did when he got home on Christmas morning?</b>


<b>5. Do you think Tim Allen has a Santa fetish?</b>


<b>6. Or is it a dog fetish?</b>


<b>7. Should it be safe to assume that since WWE and other "professional" wrestlers are just acting in the ring, that they should be able to easily do movies or TV?</b>


<b>8. You should watch The Marine. I think it'll disprove any possible correlation between the two.</b>


<b>9. Do you think that "body wash" and those little puff ball shower things are just for girls?</b>


<b>10. Well I happen to use and like them, so fuck you! Wash cloths are for fags.</b>


<b>11. Why is it that girls complain that guys never put the seat down?</b>


<b>12. They should be happy enough that he had the courtesy to lift it in the first place and not piss all over it. Put it down yourself for once and stfu!</b>


<b>13. Moving right along... have you ever accidentally sat down on a toilet with the seat up?</b>


<b>14. Eww.</b>


<b>15. Who are the bigger cry babies, professional basketball players, football players, or 3 yr olds?</b>


<b>16. If you had a pet unicorn, would you teach it to stab people you don't like?</b>


<b>17. Maybe just poke them a little and break the skin?</b>


<b>18. Most obvious phallic symbol: Washington monument? Cucumber? Banana?</b>


<b>19. The internet was made for: porn, email, myspace, ebay or casual anonymous sex?</b>


<b>20. Which one do YOU use the internet for most?</b>


<b>21. Which one do you need more of this year?</b>


<b>22. If you were on Jerry Springer, what would your story be? (you can make one up - but true is better)</b>


<b>23. Would your episode end up on the "too hot for tv" version?</b>


<b>24. Do you try to find someone to kiss at midnight on New Year's?</b>


<b>25. Do you ever get any ass out of it?</b>

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Volume 8, first posted on 1/21/06:

1. <b>Do you think a lot of creepy guys go to nude beaches just to see some t&a?</b>


2. <b>What about the girls? Are they really just there to not have tan lines or are they checking packages?</b>


3. <b>Wouldn't it be nice if you could have someone screening shady people at the gate?</b>


4. <b>Or maybe even ugly/fat people...? Are they allowed on your nude beach?</b>


5. <b>Have you ever lived somewhere that had a local Crime Watch?</b>


6. <b>Do you think it ever helped?</b>


7. <b>I bet it was just a bunch of old ladies with binoculars and walkie talkies spying on their neighbors...</b>


8. <b>Would you travel to space? You know, if they made it safe and affordable and all that?</b>


9. <b>What if you farted in your space suit... you'd have to smell that the whole trip!</b>


10. <b>If you stole a road sign to describe you or your life, which one would you steal?</b>


11. <b>What the hell are you doing stealing road signs anyway? Maybe you should take a Department of Corrections one you freakin thief...</b>


12. <b>Does anyone in your family have a mullet?</b>


13. <b>Honestly, what are these people thinking? WHY?!</b>


14. <b>Would you be in favor of a Mullet Police force?</b>


15. <b>No... not a police force full of mullets... geez. A group of people to seek out and remove mullets from society. WTF is wrong with you?</b>


16. <b>Was Scrooge McDuck just a creepy gay uncle who loved his nephews a little too much?</b>


17. <b>Come on though... he was pretty rich, right?</b>


18. <b>Which country is full of the weirdest people?</b>


19. <b>Should France and/or Canada just be default answers for that one?</b>


20. <b>You know... Germans are pretty weird too...</b>


21. <b>Is it ironic that many of our "domestic" cars (ford, chevy, gm, etc) are made in places like Canada and Mexico?</b>


22. <b>And even more ironic that many "imports" (honda, toyota, etc) are made here in the US?</b>


23. <b>Ok, so that wasn't really that funny, but it makes you wonder, doesn't it?</b>


24. <b>Should there be a screening process for women to buy thongs?</b>


25. <b>I'm just saying... cause... ya know... some people just shouldn't wear them. That's all.</b>

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Volume 9, first posted on 5/18/06:

1. <b>Would you buy used porn on eBay?</b>


2. <b>Doesn't that seem creepy? Like you're getting sloppy seconds or something?</b>


3. <b>Do you speed up when you see squirrels or other small animals in the road?</b>


4. <b>Why not? They're like 25 points! And they shouldn't be playing in the road anyways.</b>


5. <b>Do you know there are people who's jobs are to pick up dead dear and other large animals off of the highway?</b>


6. <b>I wonder if they give you a company car for that...</b>


7. <b>Dropping a deuce in a public bathroom: hold it, hover, paper ass gasket, multilayer tp seat pad, thorough tp seat wipe, or just go with it and hope there are no diseases?</b>


8. <b>Did you know there were so many choices for using a toilet?</b>


9. <b>There should really be an easier way...</b>


10. <b>Is buying bottled water really worth the money?</b>


11. <b>Doesn't it just feel like someone's filling it up from a tap and laughing at people buying it?</b>


12. <b>I bet you could make a lot of money like that...</b>


13. <b>(Where the hell is #13??!?)</b>


14. <b>How much bad luck have you had from not reposting bulletins?</b>


15. <b>I bet Tom was pretty pissed off you didn't repost his bulletin...</b>


16. <b>Did you hear Tom is going to start charging $6000/year for a Myspace account?</b>


17. <b>And that's just the Basic account, the Premium account costs a testicle. Ladies, you're SOL. Unless you want to donate an ovary.</b>


18. <b>Do you build inappropriate snow "statues" in the winter?</b>


19. <b>Lincoln Logs: small, painful projectile or creative development tool?</b>


20. <b>If Samuel L Jackson had a Myspace account, who would his top friend be?</b>


21. <b>Do you think his profile would have any snakes in it?</b>


22. <b>Isn't that joke getting old?</b>


23. <b>Were you a Beavis and Butthead fan back in the day?</b>


24. <b>Do you think Butthead ever got rid of his braces?</b>


25. <b>How did he afford those things anyways? I don't think Burger World paid very well.</b>

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COMPLETE THIS!

Volume 1, first posted on 4/18/07:

1. <b>This one time, at sex camp...</b>


2. <b>After returning from the clinic, Jack told Jill that...</b>


3. <b>If I had a pet ninja monkey I would...</b>


4. <b>Most girls should just never...</b>


5. <b>American Idol is...</b>


6. <b>I would smother David Hasselhoff with...</b>


7. <b>I read Playboy for the...</b>


8. <b>We should take all of the people in Asia and...</b>


9. <b>Angelina Jolie should adopt...</b>


10. <b>George Bush is smarter than...</b>


11. <b>The world would be much better when we get rid of all of the...</b>


12. <b>Jewish people are...</b>


13. <b>My computer needs...</b>


14. <b>Pornography is for...</b>


15. <b>Hammer pants are so...</b>

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"you never go ass-to-mouth!"

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