Stupid grocery shoppers.

You, the "more than 7 items" people. Fuck all of you. We know you can count. You know you can count. Stupid being fuckholes and wait in the normal lines like you're supposed to. Of course the store isn't going to enforce the count - because you'd be a dick about it and say something like "come on, it's just 85 more things, can't you let it go this one time?"

No. Fuck you. Get out of this line asshole. You are defeating the entire purpose of the "express line." For you and everyone behind you. You single-handedly just fucked everyone else in the ass and ruined their days.

You people that feel compelled to use the little divider thing to separate your pack of gum from my donuts and bottle of orange juice that happened to be at the absolute opposite end of the conveyor. You really think the cashier is that dumb? Like that person is going to take my last item and wait 45 seconds for your item to move along the conveyor to him/her and then accidentally swipe it as if I had just decided to space out my items REALLLLLY FAAAAR just to fuck with them? Yes, you. You're dumb and I hate you.

Put the divider thing back, take a Xanax and calm the fuck down. Your pack of gum will be OK by itself.

I also have an illustration.

If You Are This Person, I Hate You

If You Are This Person, I Hate You

Take note... if you are either of these people, I hate you.

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3 COMMENTS ON THIS POST To “You’re Dumb and I Hate You; A Rant”

  • Tomas - University Place, WA

    January 13, 2011 at 10:37 pm

    Sadly I’ve had checkers try to charge me for everything on the belt except the dividers even with the dividers there between customer’s clumps of products.

    Maybe your stores all hire nothing but “high end” checkers, ’round here, though, we get some that, well, aren’t…

  • ack154

    January 13, 2011 at 10:52 pm

    Ya, I would believe it happens… I’m thinking about the really obvious scenarios though. To me at least, I’m sure someone could still screw it up. I’ve also used the shopping basket as a divider before. So I put the basket up on the belt and put my things in front of it. Then someone still puts a divider behind my basket and puts their stuff behind that. It amuses me mostly but my reaction is often that of a *facepalm*.

  • Dean T.

    January 14, 2011 at 12:39 am

    You’re amazing Allan. I have these same frustration when I go shopping. I am absolutely the line police; when I stand in line I see people in front me of me with a basket full of things and I count them out and make sure they know I’m doing so. I hate people that feel they are SO much more important than everyone else.

    If I might carry your frustration one thought further, I hate people who take an entire basket of groceries (including produce) and try to use the self check-out because by some insane thought process they think it’ll be faster if they do it themselves. Now fast forward 20 minute and they’re still trying to figure out the produce code for carrots. ARG. They could’ve saved themselves and everyone behind them time by just letting someone who is paid to know those codes scan all their shit.

    I hate people.